Finding myself in a sea of camoflage (and yes, I know I rambled)

I have come to the realization lately, that I have lost a great deal of the me I used to know in the last 2 years thanks to the Army. I have almost nothing left from my life before the Army and that is really scary once reality comes to the surface. I have very little ability due to time zones and such to stay in contact wiht friends that have always been a huge part of my life and I miss dearly. I have lost my passion for so many things because the last two years have been a blur (and unavailible), and they have just slipped away-- with me to busy to notice. I have let the Army take control, and I want some of it back.

For a while now, I have felt like something has been missing and I hope I have found the solution. I am going to indulge myself again in a passion I promised would never leave my life-- so I can feel like I am participating more than watching from the sidelines as the days and weeks pass me by. Tomorrow Andrew, Abbie and I are going on a hunt for a Canon Rebel XT-- the prettiest digital camera I have seen in a long time that costs less than a month's salary. Made posslible by the sale of Andrew's Sunfire (regressing us to 1 car again for the whopping 6 weeks he'll be home in the next 16 months-- and the 4 months after the deployment) today-- giving us enough to buy the camera, pay off the credit card (current balance courtesy of our trip to the US), and have some left to go into savings.

I just really don't know how I let the photography in my life drift away without me noticing. In the last 6 months things have finally started to settle down for the first time since the wedding, and a lot came to the surface for me. I love my husband and baby with all my heart, and I have no regrets about the direction we took in life, but I have temporarily lost my spark. I have felt like Abbie and I just go through the motions every day waiting as we count down to Andrew getting home from work. I need to find something I can do that is for me, and I know it may seem selfish, but it's really the only thing that I can do that will nurture my soul in the way it is longing. I feel like once I begin to work on lighting my fire again, I will be a better wife to Andrew and a better mom to Abbie. I can't let my baby grow up watching her mom live life without passion and an opportunity for self expression. That wouldn't be fair to either of us.

I don't want to be that mom/wife that has been drained to the point that life is monotonous and confines the revolution of her world within very limited bounderies. I can involve Abbie in my passions in hopes that hers will flourish and know no bounderies. I can show her that there is so much out there to dream and strive for; and I can do it one frame at a time.