Happy Father's Day Andrew

So a few months ago, right before he left for this deployment, I nominated Andrew for USA Weekend's tribute to military dads.

"My husband, Andrew, knew he was going to serve in the US Army before we met at a study abroad program in college. Through his ROTC scholarship he was commissioned immediately following graduation, and we were married 6 days later to begin our adventure in the military lifestyle. Our "honeymoon" took us to Ft. Lewis in Washington State just weeks after the wedding, where he had accepted an early start to his duties so we could start our family. After 2 1/2 months we moved to Ft. Sill, and 7 months later our first child, Abbie, joined our family and filled Andrew with a joy that only becoming a daddy can bring. When she was 6 weeks old the Army packed up our house to move us to Germany, although his receiving unit was deployed so we prepared for a possible separation that could last months. Thankfully, we were able to join him in Germany about a month later, although the Army life had already cost a milestone: hearing his first child laugh at the world around her for the first time. While our official time in Germany totaled 3 years, he was only home with us for 17 months due to field training and a 14 month deployment to Iraq.

During the first deployment, he missed Abbie morphing from toddler to little girl, the birth of our first son, and countless holidays and milestones. Andrew arrived home when Jake was 9 months old, and the most surprising thing Andrew told me he missed with Jake was not the first smile or first laugh; it is the way a newborn folds so completely into you, comforted by your heartbeat and nuzzling your neck as they make those little sounds so exclusive to the first few weeks in the outside world. I can’t imagine the heartache, not being able to experience that with my own child during the fleeting newborn stage.

He was completely immersed in our lives during his tour through weekly phone calls, almost daily emails with pictures or videos sent from me, and countless hours on the web cam marveling at how big his children had become since his deployment began. Every night I sat down with the kids before bed and watched a DVD slideshow of Daddy, Abbie had a photo album full of pictures of the two of them together that never left her sight, and Jake had a laminated photo of Andrew that was kept in his crib. The reunion after 14 months was incredible for everyone and his immediate acceptance by the kids was beyond our wildest expectations... it was like he never left.
After Andrew’s return we expected an adjustment period to settle into a "new normal", but he dove in head first and immersed himself into all aspects of their lives (diaper duty included) without a single look back. He has always been a very hands-on parent, and after such a long absence wanted nothing more than to have tea parties with Abbie or push Jake in the swing for hours. The joy Andrew has for our children is not equal to anything else in this world, except for the delight he brings them just by being their daddy.

Because he was heading to a 5 month Captain's course at Ft. Huachuca after Germany for his transition into Military Intelligence, we decided to roll the dice and have a 3rd child with the hope that he would be around for to experience that first 9 months he missed with Jake. Our second son, Charlie, was born just 6 weeks after moving to Ft. Campbell and Andrew is now deploying within a few weeks (for 15 months) after getting to experience the first 3 months of Charlie's life. Neither of us regrets deciding to have a 3rd child right before another deployment, but it is difficult knowing all the bits of childhood Andrew is missing.

When Andrew returns from this deployment, Charlie (currently 3 months old), whose latest accomplishment is the belly laugh, will be 1 1/2-- running, talking and full of a personality we are just beginning to get glimpses of.

Jake (currently 21 months old) will be 3. He will make the change from a cuddly toddler that still speaks in a language only we understand, to an imaginative, expressive and independent child that is too busy to curl up in a lap just because he needs a break from making sense of his world.

Abbie (just turned 4), will not change as much developmentally as her brothers and will not need as much help keeping Andrew fresh in her memory. She will grow in leaps and bounds both emotionally and socially and be preparing to start kindergarten when he returns. Right now her world is so simple-- yet when her daddy comes home to us she will be delving into newly discovered complexities and blossoming in ways we can't even imagine yet.

I have not yet figured out how the kids will react to his absence. Abbie was really too young to understand last time, but my heart just breaks thinking about how she'll miss her daddy now that length of time has more meaning to her. How can I explain 450 missing good night kisses?

Jake is finally to the age where he loves the rough and tumble play that only his Daddy can provide, and while I don't think he'll understand that Daddy has to go for a while I hate to think of him wandering around the house searching with all his heart for someone he won't find. Jake lights up all the way to his core when he hears the garage door signaling Andrew’s return from work, and in the world of a toddler Daddy not coming home just doesn't fit within his parameters of reality. I hate knowing that Jake simply won’t understand where his daddy has gone. How do you explain 60 weeks until the sound of the garage door opening means daddy is home, and not just me taking the trash to the curb?

Both Abbie and Jake feel as if their Daddy hung the stars and moon in the sky just for them, and I can only hope they teach Charlie the same. I feel like even when a child is too young to remember what a person looks or sounds like, from birth they recognize the comfort and love of a parent-- and that feeling is always familiar no matter how much time has passed. Charlie will recognize his daddy, even if not by sight or sound; he will find familiarity in the love and warmth Andrew brings back with him.

I cannot begin to imagine how devastating it is for Andrew to miss so much of our children’s early years. He will not see any of his children turn 2 until Charlie's second birthday. He will not see Jake finally begin to get swept up in the magic surrounding Christmas. He will miss cheering Abbie on from the sidelines of her first soccer game. He will miss Charlie's first birthday, first words, and first steps. He will miss Jake learning to ride a tricycle, and trying to plow down his sister with it at top speed. He will miss Abbie's first time actually reading a book on her own, not just from memory. He will miss Charlie covering the kitchen with baby food as he learns to blow raspberries while eating, and finding the joy of watching our dogs scramble to get the cheerios he drops from the highchair tray. He will miss tucking his kids at night and peeking in at them while they sleep to see them at their most innocent.

He can hear about all their developments in my emails. He can see them change and grow through pictures. He can watch their personalities emerge through videos. He can watch scribbles turn into recognizable objects through drawings the kids will send him. He can hear the way they interpret their world through his phone calls home.

It’s not the same as being there.

While deployment is hard for those of us back home, suddenly adding the role of daddy to the demands of being mommy, our soldiers miss the little things life is made of. All we can do is keep Daddy as part of our daily lives as much possible, and take one day at a time until that homecoming day when our family is once again complete. While I am incredibly proud of my husband, the soldier, for the sacrifices he makes to serve, I am completely amazed by my husband for the daddy he is, even far away from home."


Happy father's day honey. I love you.

The anticipation is BRUTAL

I am waiting on a call from the rear-d guys (the ones that didn't go to Iraq) to tell me I have 12 hours before Andrew comes in... fkalfnjkaergnhbjfdhiehrowauirjk lgvnkjfhgojewo. That's how it feels. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK! It could be days, it could be hours... fjkla;jfgkhdgaioahiorfjoieuhjbfgvnkznvkjahoijfianfkndavf!

I have to go clean something...

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14 January 005bw